Sex and the Valley: Detangling Womanhood From Bigotry
Sex and the City, valley edition. Living with the same nerve as characters on my screen.
Media consumption as an immigrant
Purity culture in the Valley
Representing the 956
Being an immigrant in the United States meant that many references went over my head. It took me a while to tune into American pop culture. Through school, I read more popular literature. Through friends, funky music and gory movies. Before then, I just disguised my confusion with laughter whenever a random quote was thrown at me, hoping no one would call me out. Soon, college and work halted my dive into American pop culture history. But now as a writer in her twenties, I realized I am still missing a lot of “classic” material.
Seductive Marketing
Sex and The City, for example, is one of those classic shows that get clipped and plastered all over social media. Intriguing viewers with their scandalous dialogue and sexy, absurd circumstances. Not to mention the myriads of content creators still discussing the plot and character analysis over twenty years post its premiere date. “Are you the Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, or Charlotte of your friend group? Watch till the end to find out!” A writer going on raunchy, thrilling adventures in New York city with her three best friends? It sounded like a dream. So I caved. I couldn't help but live vicariously through the screen. Maybe I could learn a thing or two from these ladies. I started watching it to finally understand the constant discourse, references… AND figure out if I was the Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, or Charlotte of the group.
The show first aired in 1998. I was prepared for the worst. I knew I couldn’t hold it to today’s standards. Tari Ngangura said it best in her 2018 piece reviewing the hit show, “that’s the problem with watching Sex and the City now—you see it as a series that framed itself as both radical and non-threatening.” The racy one-liners these women deliver in viral clips draw you into their world; the world of big city glamour and luxury. Only to hit you in the face with their casual bigotry mid episode. Additionally, the biggest dilemmas these characters encounter are what shoes to wear and what boys to kiss. When my life was that simple, I was 12.
Charlotte being xenophobic
Sexy or senseless?
Nonetheless, I carried on in the “fabulous” world of Carrie Bradshaw. Her infamy of being a terrible friend and lousy girlfriend littered my feed. As a result, she was the character I hoped to relate to the least, solely based on the viral clips. To be frank, Samantha’s character was one that fascinated me the most at first. The way she owned her sexuality and never depended on a relationship to fulfill her. You can imagine my disappointment after watching the show, that despite these qualities, Samantha still heavily relied on status and external validation (especially male). Unfortunately, this sentiment can apply to the entire cast.
El qué dirán haunts the women in the show, something we can all relate to. Miranda feared judgement on her rugged attitude as a modern woman. Charlotte feared not forming a family soon enough. Samantha feared being socially irrelevant with age. And Carrie feared not finding true love in New York City. All fears that are valid. Especially for women in their late twenties to early thirties. I found myself with the same doubts at times. However, everything in the show —aside from the major love interests—presents itself as filler material. Their careers? Filler episode. Their creativity? Filler episode. Their spirituality? Filler episode. Aside from their sex adventures, the audience knows nothing about these women’s personal lives. We have no idea what shaped them aside from a privileged childhood in America.
I quickly realized these characters were not ones I’d aspire to be like today. Of course, it's clear I am not the target audience. These characters are reflections of upstate, high-class, white women who equate status with happily ever after. Not of immigrant daughters living below the poverty line in a bordertown. At first, Carrie Bradshaw’s world seemed so unattainable for girls like me. However, I refused to believe I, or any valley girl, could not live a life just as fabulous. I couldn't help but wonder…is it possible to live a Sex and the City life minus the bigotry? I say yes. All we need is to remove the bad and keep the good; a strong community, stunning outfits, and love for the place we call home.
Sex and the Valley
Latinos, as, es are already socially divided within our own countries’ colonial-based hierarchies as it is. As a result, the valley holds many perspectives that often clash. Status, gender, spirituality, and sex are major themes that are frequently the source of alienation in the community, despite most of us sharing Latin American identities. It's important to note, however, that this disproportionately impacts the daily lives of women and femmes in the Rio Grande Valley. For our bodies are the ones on constant trial and overdrive due to these alienating themes. Especially regarding sex.
Sexual and Social Autonomy
“The normalization of IPV is due to the acceptance of the machismo role and traditional masculinity presented in the Latino culture. Because a wife is expected to serve her husband or partner, most victims of IPV would view their victimization as a punishment for not satisfying their partners’ needs. Other victims assumed it was normal because they witnessed their parent's IPV or knew their partners had witnessed or experienced IPV, believing it was a cycle they all went through. Undocumented Latinas do not report due to fear of deportation and the deportation of their partners. However, after accepting that they were experiencing IPV, Latinas regardless of their status were likely to seek help and leave their abusers. Latinas who received assistance or dedicated their time to activities […] improved their self-esteem and value themselves more after experiencing IPV.” - Zoraya Berlanga Aguilar, Intimate Partner Femicide: An Exploratory Study in the Rio Grande Valley
This objectification teaches our young girls to advocate for their male peers’ ego over their own personal agency. We are taught to aspire to marriage as well as devote ourselves to serving our present and future families. But what if instead of centering romance, family planning, and domestic duties in the raising of our girls… we centered community love, career planning, along with creative skills and technical skills? All future generations of children in the valley deserve equal access to these resources. For the outdated, marianista advice has proven it serves no one except men.
Since we are little, purity culture is bottled fed to us, dicho por dicho. A grimace inducing “Vale mas que te hagas respetar,” chased by an even more bitter “el hombre llega hasta donde la mujer lo permite.” These shameful sentiments towards women and femmes are rampant in the 956. It is evident a collective shift from upholding purity culture to a sex positive one is dire. Women and femmes of the Valley deserve to own their sexuality and careers. Something we’ve been deprived of for too long because we’re too busy serving others. Now is the time to own our bodies, but most importantly, our lives. Responsibly, but shame free!
Small town fashion
Zadria Knives at the ReMade RGV Spring Show 2025
If we discard the shame in our sheets, we must discard the shame in the streets. Wearing a bold outfit in a small town can be nerve wrecking. That damn qué dirán eats away at our confidence. I’ve heard many friends say things like “I’m saving this outfit for Austin” or “I need to wait for a special occasion to wear that dress.” This must be stopped immediately!!!
Adorning yourself is such a beautiful way of expressing your creativity. Now, I’m not saying you have to do your makeup and gather an editorial look for every single day. I am saying to wear that cute little hat or any item you're saving for a special occasion. But if this approach seems a little too intense, try complimenting someone else’s fashion choices. Honestly, the best thing about wearing a fun outfit is the connections you make with your community.
Puro 956
If Sex and the City took place in the valley today… it would consist of a first gen, Latine going on adventures pursuing their creative career and learning how to embrace sexuality despite any shame or judgement. It would have scenes demonstrating the beauty and horrors of South Texas. But most of all, it would highlight the love valley natives have for our 956. The Sex and the City girls all loved New York. It was their home. One of the most consistent themes in the show. But it’s easy to love a big city. Those big shiny lights turn us into tiny, yearning moths. It’s a bit different for valley folk.
Everything seems so far away when you’re in the valley. The big cities, opportunity, change. But regardless, we keep learning and working, despite the pressure to have the most merit and none of the resources. To love the valley, is to love a twilight zone. A portal between one world and the next. Though its existence is declared on maps and legal documents, its culture is abstract, and ever evolving. To make sure our Rio Grande Valley is in the right hands, its inhabitants must honor it. Advocate for it. Not abandon it. And with the more people I meet, interview, and befriend. The more radical hope I feel for the future of the valley.
See you on the other side.
All love,
Zadria Knives
